So, like many of you, I’m sure you’ve had this stupid song stuck in your head for the better part of a week. But I’d like to correct all of you who have been singing it wrong. It’s definitely Eileen. No one wants to write about Irene… she’s a bitch.
Now, let me just say that we were extremely blessed with regards to how we came out on the other end of Irene’s temper tantrum with the entire East Coast. Yes, we have a giant tree down in our backyard but it didn’t hit our house, the dogs or John or me. So, we totally win Irene. I’m super grateful because I’ve seen some devastating photos and video of other parts of the state and New England as a whole. However, now that I’m done being all nice and appreciative, I’d like to vent.
When John and I bought our house almost 5 years ago (what??) we didn’t realize that cell phone service is non-existent on our little plot of land and I’m sure any future buyers are not going to be as naive as we were, making our house a tough sell. We live in somewhat of a vortex – the Valley of Unusable Cell Phone Usage, if you will. So AFTER we signed that dotted line saying we owed our life hundreds of thousands of dollars over the next 30 years, we realized the little “con” that we did not include in the original pro/con list of purchasing the house and did what every young, intelligent and house-poor couple would do… we signed up for Vonage internet phone service. It’s SO much cheaper which makes it completely ok that we don’t have ANY phone service when our electricity goes out due to an unforeseeable natural disaster that would otherwise warrant a way to reach the outside world (this is where I wish you could sense my sarcasm). Smart we are. And truth is, we’ve gone back and forth on getting a legit landline and have landed in the back. Which now gives Irene back some points toward the winning category.
So, here are the many ways that Irene is up in the tally, either because of her own doing or our stupid decisions:
#1. We have no power. Along with half the state of CT (literally) which means that we are SO not on the high priority list (especially since our town is currently at 92% of customers without power). Thank you CL&P for my nice text update that says you have no update. It was especially helpful. I’ve seen a TON of plows and trucks out cleaning up the debris (major props to the DOT). Literally… snow plows… in August… plowing leaves and twigs and branches and small animals that may have perished in the storm. Want to know how many CL&P trucks I’ve seen? Zero. But I’m sure it’s not for lack of trying – they’ve even employed electricians from CO and NJ to come help (let’s just hope they’ve left the fist-pumping at the Shore). But as of right now, it’s looking like 3 – 10 days. I would be ok with this (I do love to camp) if I didn’t have hundreds of dollars worth of beef in a freezer chest… but we also have a generator (see my tally below) which we’ve started up to keep the freezer cool and to watch Jersey Shore and the VMAs last night. Don’t judge.
Ok, #2. We have no water because we have a well and not city water. That’s right… I would kill to take an ice cold shower at my house right now but no such luck. Now let me clarify… in Bimini, I would go days without showering but the salt water gave my hair that sexy, beachy look instead of the “Grease Lightening” look I’m rocking now. And there’s something to be said about CHOOSING not to shower and not being ABLE to. But whatever… I’m currently flushing the toilets with buckets of water from the huge keg bucket (you totally know what I’m talking about) that I horded on Saturday. John had originally mocked my decision and insistent nagging to “just fill up the damn bucket because I’ve asked nicely three times” but he did thank me last night (after only 12 hours of power loss) for being so prepared. I knew he’d come around. And you’re welcome.
#3. Remember that cell phone/Vonage void I mentioned? Yeah… no phone (cell or house), no connection through Facebook (my lifeline!) and no emails. Which all may be a good thing but as with any addiction, the first few days of withdrawal are the hardest. Believe me, I have not ignored the fact that this would be a prime week to give up tv but if it’s ALL I’ve got, it ain’t happening.
#4. We have three dogs who don’t understand that the generator is going to go on often – I keep telling them that you don’t need to bark at it every time. Same goes for the creepy things in the woods that I can’t see because ohmygoditssodarkoutside. You scare me when you do that.
#5. I think I’ve gained 5 pounds in the last 24 hours from the inability to use my treadmill coupled with the non-perishable food items that I’m shoving down my gullet in a fit of boredom.
Ok… Irene scored 5 points.
Let’s check out my score:
#1. My scary slight obsession with Yankee Candles is coming in really handy. I’ve got the place lit up like a Christmas tree and it’s masking the smell of our lack of showers. This should totally count as 2… eat that Irene!
#3 (yes, I really am counting the candles as 2 points). My parents gave us a hand-me-down, hand-me-down (yep, two other houses first) generator. It’s a little antiquated, really loud and only runs for ~2.5 hours at a time but it’s keeping my beef tips and home grown veggies frozen so it is my new best friend.
#4. That generator is also keeping our tv going so that we’ll know if the world ends or something else really important happens… like Beyonce reveals that she’s knocked up at the VMAs (hot mama!).
#5. I’m getting to spend some quality time with my husband. We played card games yesterday (that he promptly accused me of cheating at when I won) and we even broke out my old-school Memory game. And he even gave me a run for my money which is funny because he can’t seem to remember what we’re doing next weekend.
#6. I made my own Hurricane(s)… of the Pat O’Brien’s category. And they were glorious.
I spent more money at the liquor store than I did at Walmart in preparation for this storm.
#7. I work on a college campus. That has power. And random showers in the student center. Which is where I am after work hours writing this post (felt like I should clarify that) and reveling in my sweet shampooed smell… I think I’m going to heat some water up for John on the grill tonight so he can take an “Elf bath” because he kind of smelled like exhaust this morning… and exhaustion.
I totally can’t take credit for this analogy – my co-worker’s husband came to work with their daughter for some lunch today (also no power) and had us cracking up with his impression of the “Elf bath.”
So you know what Irene? Looks like I win, 7-5! For at least a day or two more. But if I don’t get power until this weekend, shit’s gonna get ugly.
On the good news/crossing-stuff-off-my-list front, I took the Dune Buggy for a ride by myself – and there are photos and video to prove it. Once I get power back (dearGodpleasebesoon!) I will write the blog post. It was epic. And I didn’t break anything. Winning!
Now, it’s time to go home and face the music… or the silence. Whatever.
How did you fare in Irene? Feel free to sound off in the comments… not that I can see them without the internet (seriously… how much longer??).
Electricity is really just organized lightning. ~George Carlin
